If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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