help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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