I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Text me some of your sweat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
