you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
