She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
