Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
