isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
