ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
