I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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