Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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