mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
