I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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