I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
