four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
