my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
