bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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