im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize