yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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