I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
