a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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