go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't turn off my feet"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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