My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
