Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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