Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
