Me. At least after what I've been through.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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