Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
