Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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