Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
