I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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