i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
