I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His nipple licking is glorious
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