How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
