even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
