whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
