Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
