After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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