there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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