I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
