My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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