Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
