I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
