Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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