It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
