then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
