I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
