U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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