I feel like abortions should bother me more
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
