Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
