I must be too annoying 4 u.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
