i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
