glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
